


Leonard's Truth To Tell

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series AU
Genre: M/M, Mention of McCoy's family, gender identity themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:41:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: McSpirk start a relationship, but, as much as they all want Leonard to be part of their sexual relationship, he keeps himself on the side lines, or dodges the invites altogether. During time back home on Earth, visiting the home McCoy & his sister inherited some years ago, Bones tells Jim and Spock the reasons why. Gender identity and gender debates are the main, but not the only theme. Very personal stuff.





	Leonard's Truth To Tell

This story includes one of the prompt lines/paragraphs I put up as a fic prompter for myself and others, firstly, on Tumblr.

Leonard’s Truth To Tell

"I'll be a third wheel, or a home-wrecker, and, he'll probably see me as a rival when his time comes - and, if I ruin things for you two, then, I'll probably deserve any wrath he shows me when he's lost his mind!" McCoy stood in Jim’s San Francisco apartment with him and Spock, and took another ‘sip’ of his Saurian Brandy, after he’d spoken.

“That will not happen.” Spock assured him. “The Bond will truly be made a three-way thing – though, I suspect, that it already is so.” He knew he could mention this, as he and Jim had previously, recently spoken of it. “My body, and the Bond, at that time, just as in ordinary circumstances, will call out to both of you.” He mentioned, looking at Jim and Bones, standing, as they were, before him.

=== --- ====

Six Earth months later, McCoy, Jim, and Spock, were Earth-side again, staying alone, together, at McCoy’s family’s homestead, which had been in his family for four generations; his sister now part-owned the place with him, but neither of them lived there with any regularity; not anymore.

It was a summer evening, and the three men sat out in one of the fields around the homestead, which was to the East of where they now sat, beneath a willow tree; Jim and Spock were side by side, leaning upon the tree trunk, and Bones’ head was in Jim’s lap; his knees were bent up, and his feet planted on the picnic blanket on which they all sat, with his heels next to Spock’s straight, outstretched legs. The land was private land; part of The McCoy Homestead, and they were the only ones on the land on this beautiful evening.

“Do you want to talk to us yet?” Jim asked gently, knowing that Bones had brought them both out here, to his favourite ‘thinking place’ to talk with them about something. He carefully caressed Bones’ forehead, his fingers twisting in McCoy’s soft hair at his hairline.

Bones looked up, into Jim’s face, and then, down at Spock’s. Then, he looked up at the tree canopy, and the sky he could see through it. After a while, he began to explain something. “When I was born, all the gender identity checking scans were done. The first tests on me came back fifty-fifty, or ambiguously. More tests were done. My parents were told to wait until I was older; that I might tell them, figure it out for myself.” McCoy paused for a long while, fighting back tears.

Spock reached out, and took one of Bones’ hands in his; Jim kept stroking Bones’ chest. The three of them were silent.

Leonard gathered his emotions and thoughts again. “As I got older, and was expected to choose; I wouldn’t make up my mind. I was under a lot of pressure to do that, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. My parents, specifically, my mother, wasn’t very happy about that; I know she always regretted that she and my father were not permitted to just choose a gender for me, and, because of her; plus, his own worries for me, my father did a lot of research because, as you know, he was a Doctor, too; he was trying to help me, and cases like mine, whose results ‘defied’ the gender identity tests. He was also trying to get my mother off his back, and mine.” Bones recalled, and then, went on, to talk of a few years further along the line; “I even took some of them on after he died, after he, well, you know, what he asked me to do; I so nearly did it. I prepared the biobed he slept on. I just couldn’t do it. It suddenly occurred to me that, if I ever got found out, people might believe I did it because I resented him for the old-fashioned pressures he and my Mom put on me. I cried. I cried so much. In front of him. With him; I begged him not to ask it of me, to take back the request. He did. After that, and after he later died anyway; I then cried because I felt guilty that I’d let him down by refusing all that he asked of me; the euthanasia request, and those times that Mom made my life and his, damned difficult, because I’d never chosen. I never have chosen. All I do is just express my female side every now and then; very privately.” Bones blushed, but still tried not to be embarrassed, because he knew his embarrassment was wrong, and centuries out of date; like his parents’ opinions. “I wear a dress once in a while. I buy a bit of women’s jewellery and some female lingerie. Occasionally, I’ll wear a hint of feminine make up, or perfume, and write with ‘flouncy’ handwriting that I imagine to be feminine. Sometimes, I’ll sign my name as Lenore or Leanna; but, I haven’t got split personality disorder. I am Leonard. That’s my name, and I’m okay with that. My ‘female’ episodes aren’t fantasy or fetishism; they’re just me, acknowledging that femininity, and female genitalia, is part of who I am; as much as is everything about me that is, for humans, male.”

“Being intersex is an accepted thing for others, and within the human race as a whole, but obviously not in your parents’ household.” Spock stated carefully. "They were in the wrong. You were not.” He noted, now caressing Len McCoy’s legs.

“I’m genderfluid and intersex.” Bones replied.

“That is absolutely fine, Bones.” Jim promised. “You know that, don’t you?”

“I’m getting there.” Len answered. “I stopped the research my father started, and felt guilty about that, too. But, I had to. I wasn’t comfortable with it. And, besides, after the Eugenics Wars in the Twentieth Century, there’s some stuff we Doctors are duty bound not to encroach upon.” McCoy paused. “Jocelyn was never happy with the fact that I’m intersex and genderfluid either. That’s another reason why, until you two slept in my bedroom, up there at my house, with me; I’ve always been reluctant to sleep in there again since inheriting this place, and coming home now and again; When I was in my late teens, and we came to live here, I’d be in that bedroom of mine for hours, over the years, and this went on well into my twenties, especially at night, when I was meant to be sleeping, when I wanted to sleep; I’d either be crying as quietly as I could, or wanting to cry.” Leonard paused his talking here, and, lovingly, squeezed, Spock’s nearest hand; acknowledging Spock’s similar history discreetly. Bones then continued to talk. “All down to my so-called lack of gender identity, and because it was a frustrating fact for all of us that even I couldn’t always figure out why I had both male and female intuitions and instincts, and demands; let alone the body parts; Sometimes, I would have female and male needs nagging at me, both, at the same time. It’s still like that sometimes, to this day, but, I was so lonely then. When I was married to Jocelyn, and we were visiting my parents, Jocelyn and I would sleep in there, in that bedroom, where I’d already been crying, alone, for years; and, just like in our marriage home and bed, when we were in my old room together, Jocelyn and I, we’d end up arguing every night. She wanted me to choose; to have the operations. I’ve never been able to define myself. I was lonely then, too; I mean, lonely, even when she was in the room with me, and, sometimes, when she stormed out! Those times, she’d go and sleep in the nursing chair in what was Joanna’s home away from home Nursery. That room was changed for Joanna just before her Mom and I divorced. She asked if she could have it painted yellow and green like summer, with flowers painted on the walls, too. It even has a holo-projector in that room, so that the ceiling has blue skies and white clouds for day-time, and sparkly stars on the ceiling/sky at night. Now, her cousins’ friends stay in that room more than she ever does; and, I shouldn’t think it’ll be very long before my nieces, or their Mom, ask if that room can be re-decorated.” McCoy wiped tears from his eyes, and partially covered his face with his hands, for a moment. “I can’t believe I did the stereotypical thing of thinking I was in love with someone, who it could be said, was fraudianly like my mother! I suppose I was just used to being treated that way. Worse is, I’m not allowed to see our daughter because her mother doesn’t want to be me turning her gay, or whatever. Mostly, because Jocelyn is scared that that will show her up to be not as enlightened as she’d like to be able to think she is, even as far as her daughter is concerned; not even for our darling Joanna.” Bones drew in a breath, and tried to resettle himself. He felt the love coming his way from Jim and Spock, as Jim caressed his hands, and Spock gently soothed the muscles in his legs. “Anyway, back to the gender issues;” He said to them both, as he sighed. “In my room at this house, and, in quite a few other places, I was alone with my own, and everyone else’s gender related questions about me. I’ve been exhausted, more than once, by trying to figure it all out. I’ve attempted hormone treatments, to quell either my levels of testosterone or oestrogen; to try and make one truly, markedly, more dominant over the other. I’ve passed myself off as male and male alone, for practically my whole life. I suppose my male gender specifics are the more prevalent; I’m mostly male looking; it’s my male genitals that are…” McCoy’s voice, and thoughts, drifted, from trying to put everything in to words. “…Well, they’re more visible, more usable, too, and, I’ve never been overly bothered by which pronouns I use, or are used for me. I’ve never given much thought to changing my name. Does that make me a fraud? Going around giving myself these LGBTQ+ labels?”

“You are not a fraud of any sort.” Spock promised Bones.

“And, you never, ever will be. You’re you, and that means that you’re beautiful, honest, truthful, valid, admirable, and strong.” Jim answered.

“I fear that my daughter will never think so.” Bones cried. “She’s not even biologically mine.” He admitted. He felt the truth of that fact reverberate through his, Spock’s, and Jim’s, Bond. He then continued explaining. “Jocelyn visited a sperm bank, months before I knew her, and made sure she was pregnant. When she and I married, and Joanna was born, I adopted her; not that that counts for much with her mother, or ever did.”

“You have considered before that Jocelyn’s resentment of your gender non-binary status, could be augmented by the fact that she just wanted an excuse to go back to being independent, even more so than she still was within your marriage?” Spock could not help but read this information from Bones. He didn’t have to ‘dig’ for it, and he rhetorically, as humans did sometimes, asked the relevant question(s).

“Hell, yeah, I have, but whichever aspect of her own wishes and my identity was the truth, and which were excuses, for her, it didn't, and still doesn't, matter. It all hurt. She hurt both of us; me, herself, and then, the situation couldn’t have been good for Joanna either. I know I went a little bit overly illogical, even for me. I kept wanting her to have the scans done that I did, even though she’d already had them done, and they proved conclusively that she’s female, and even though she won’t have inherited any of my genetics, since I know, for a fact, that I am not her biological father. I knew Jocelyn was pregnant when I met her. She told me the circumstances, too. My parents didn’t even make the slightest bit of fuss when they met Jocelyn, and they were told the situation, by her, like I was. Dearest Joanna;” McCoy went back to talking of his daughter. “I was barely allowed to be any father to her at all. I still don’t know why Jocelyn bothered marrying me at all. She didn’t love me, and I was just a dumb ass, who was used to some women in his life treating him like crap. I was never abused, and I am not Pan, or in a gay relationship with you two, because I’ve been scarred by women. I’m on the rainbow scale three times over, all of them genuine placings. I’m intersex, genderfluid, and Pansexual. I’m a soul, not a Gender Label.” McCoy tried to make that very clear. “I worry that Joanna is being brought up around her mother’s prejudices, and I worry that, if, somehow, things change for her, as it’s been medically proven they can do later in life; - what if she is, like me, in fact, on the Human version of the LGBTQ+ spectrum; I know it would be a coincidence, but it is possible that she is, or may one day be, on it, too; and, when she’s older, what if she wants a relationship with someone, who, like she might be, is on that spectrum? If that’s in her future, then, Joanna will be faced with the same prejudice from her mother as I was; not only from Joanna’s mother, did I receive that prejudice, but, like I said earlier, I got it from my own mother, and, somewhat, from my father, too. The only person who knows the truth of me, and has also been supportive of me the only one, that is, until you two came in to my life, and won me over in to being with you, is my sister; God Bless her.” McCoy wiped tears from his eyes.

“We love you, Bones.” Jim promised, as he caressed McCoy’s head, Jim was carding through Leonard McCoy’s hair, and then, he stopped to, with ultra-tenderness, touch Len’s face.

“So, anyway, that’s why I’ve not let things get sexual yet between you two and me;” He explained, openly, now, to Jim and Spock. “’That’ being the gender thing; that’s why I’ve ‘just’ taken, and indulged in, my joy, from being a voyeur in the rooms I’ve shared with you both, over the last six months; sitting there, watching you two make love; I have enjoyed it. You put on such an erotic display for me, you both do; you’re so Beautiful, each of you, and together, you’re even more so. I never want to break that; that’s been part of my reasoning; but, the issues that I, and others have had with my gender, and my intersex status, that’s quite a lot of why I’ve kept with ‘just’ the voyeuristic enjoyment you’ve graciously accepted as part of being in a relationship with me. We all know, to be honest, that there’s the fact that I’m still worrying that I’m going to break up another marriage, but you’ve, each of you, definitely, made me part of the relationship. I’m getting better at not feeling like I’m intruding, but I do worry about breaking up another marriage, be it mine as well as yours; ours, I mean, or if it should be just yours, I don’t want to wreck it; even though I know you’re not married as such, yet, anyway. Or, we are not.” Len let out all his worries; and, at least, attempted to breath normally.

“We will be, one day, soon, you, me, and Spock; if that’s what you two would like to happen?” Jim looked at Spock and Bones both.

“Would you like that to happen? Either of you?” Spock asked. 

“I want to make the T’hy’la Bond thing more Official, and actually get married to you two.” Jim admitted to them, and himself.

“Yes. I want to, too, if you and Jim want it as well.” McCoy answered Spock’s query, and then felt, he felt two, distinct, but twining, surges of love; theirs; actually, physically, mentally, and emotionally, entering his very being; his soul. “Even if I’m still battling a certain amount of fear that I’ll screw all this up, for you, and for myself; I’m more secure than ever now, with you both. I love you. It isn’t a case of ‘scarred man-child finds substitute parents’. I swear it’s not that. I love each of you. I’m happy, for the first time, ever, and I love you both tremendously. I might be in yet another human minority; one of people in successful threesome relationships, but I’ve made my peace with that idea now; because, even when I was worried about it, I knew that I love both of you. Truly, I do.” Bones heart bled out on his sleeve, and this was a circumstance, telling Jim and Spock that he deeply and equally loved them both, in which he was willing to let it. He trusted them to ‘shore-up’ his heart again, and care for it, as much as he cared for them.

Spock moved, and laid down behind Bones, who was now laying on his side, but with his head still in Jim’s lap. Spock kissed the nape of McCoy’s neck, and draped one of his arms over McCoy’s waist.

Jim, with fingertip kisses and caresses, gently stroked both Bones’ face, and Spock’s. The cap of Spock’s hair/his head touched the side of Jim’s nearest leg; in the crook, where the hamstring lay, of his flattened knee; so, Jim quite easily reached Spock’s face, as well as McCoy’s.

Spock looked up at Jim, then, propped himself up on his elbow, digging it into the picnic blanket, and the ground beneath it. He leant forward, and looked in to Len’s eyes; then, he looked up, and in to Jim’s eyes.

Jim helped McCoy sit up, and then, Spock was there; first, helping, too, and then, when McCoy was settled; Spock was sitting before them (Bones and Jim). The half Vulcan knelt, and sat back on his heels.

Taking Bones’ hand in one of his, and one of Jim’s hands in his other hand; Spock stroked their fingers, and lifted them to his lips. He was kissing them in both ways he knew how, at once. Then, he fixed Jim and Bones with that beautiful look of his that he didn’t even know he had, and his lovers, both, held their breaths. Spock then spoke, asking Jim and Len, a very human, but also, a very Vulcan, question. “Will you both marry me?” He asked of them both.

Bones couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, and Jim got to his knees, kneeling, mirroring Spock, and threw his arms around Spock’s neck, hugging him. His thighs were so close to McCoy’s that they were still touching, too.

McCoy still held Spock’s hand, and then, he, too, was kneeling, like Spock and Jim were; as before, he still held Spock’s hand in his. He then put his and Spock’s hand over Spock’s heart, and threw his free arm around the back of Jim’s shoulders; touching, easily, as he did so, Spock’s shoulder farthest from him (McCoy) with the hand of that arm. 

They were all so close together, in every way. They held on to each other.

Tearfully, Bones whispered; “Yes, I will marry you both.”

Jim gave his answer to the question all three of them had for each other. “Take me up the aisle, you two, and let me take you both up the aisle, too. God, yes, I want to, and I will, happily, marry you!”

“As I will the two of you.” Spock confided in them both.

For another hour, the three lovers sat under that tree, and laid beneath it, too. They talked, and, with Bones’ assurances that this is what he wanted; they undressed him, here, in this place that was now special not only to him, but to him and his T’hy’la, both of them. They undressed him, and he let them see him; even the parts of him that confused his pronouns. Spock and Jim, Jim and Spock, caressed Leonard H. McCoy; loving him intimately, thoroughly, and sexually. They lay him down, looked over every part of his beautiful body, and, they were, they vowed they always would be; touching him with the utmost care; touching him now, in both his places ‘there’.

McCoy, also, of course, made love to them, because he’s never actually selfish, even though he regularly chastises himself for the ‘crime’.

When dusk had almost entirely fallen, they made their way; Spock to the left of McCoy, and holding hands with him; Jim to the right of McCoy, and holding hands with him; up to McCoy’s Homestead.

“Shall we try out the new bed already?” Bones asked. He talked of the very, very large round bed that they’d had delivered to the house earlier in the day; specifically, in to the annexe-the extension, that had been built on the house about thirty Earth years ago. The extension held the only room large enough to house this (Human-term) ‘Super King; Size, plus half that size again, round bed. It was their bed; the three T’hy’la, who called this place, now, one of their homes.

“Very, very good idea!” Jim grinned, as he walked through the field back to the Homestead.

“I concur. I believe it will be a fascinatingly beneficial place in which to make love to my fiances.” Spock mentioned, almost deadpan.

The End..?  
10th/11th July 2017


End file.
